It's Never Too Late

Some friends asked me if it was a little late for such a celebration at my age. Since I am in the synagogue ritual business I felt compelled to consider their question. The following are some of my remarks from my speech at the wedding reception for Carolyn Reinach Wolf and me (6-14-2015):

When I was transitioning from the business world I decided to get a Masters in Jewish education. As I was writing papers one friend asked, “Isn’t it a little late to start grad school?”

After Carolyn and I had been together for a few years I bought Dr. John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. She saw the book and asked, “Isn’t it a little late for advice?”  Now I was able to use some Jewish aikido to turn her around. I told her that I had done the self-assessment for couples. She is so competitive she wanted to know, “How are we were doing?”

When I told friends that we were doing a wedding in New York, one friend from Ohio said, “A real wedding? A reception, music- the whole deal in New York?  Isn’t it a little late for all that? You didn’t consider just going to a rabbi’s study and having a cocktail party later?” We stand before you as a living proof that it isn’t too late. I believe that it’s never too late to learn something new. That’s what motivates me to teach synagogue board members who sometimes think they “know it all by now.”

Respect: I See You

Dr. Gottman said that one of the best signs of a promising couple is mutual respect. The word respect comes from the Latin world- specere- to look. We chose to ritualize this by walking around each other three times so we could look at each other as individuals before we entered the chuppa together. Like the trees in our Ketuba, we are different but entwined.  The sages say that if you repeat something three times it begins to become a habit. Three times around. We hope to make our mutual respect a habit.

I have the greatest respect for Carolyn. She never stopped learning. As a self-made career woman she has never stopped hustling. Tenacity was a core value of my family’s business too.

Carolyn’s work requires compassion. We share a compassion for troubled souls. She advocates for the rights of the mentally ill who are often hidden. Advocating for them is often an uphill battle. I advocate for the importance of synagogues and how they ritualize what is most important in a world that is often perplexing. Today, the benefits and blessings of Jewish living are often hidden to many. Making the case is an uphill battle. We share a respect for tenacity. We don’t give up in our work. We have not given up on each other. Here we are!

Fond Memory

Dr. Gottman suggests that couples who do well hold on to fond memories of their early years together.  They have the capacity to have a palpable connection to when their love was  fresh and strong. The Torah expresses this sentiment between God and the Jewish people (in Jeremiah 2:2):

I remember for thee the affection of thy youth, the love of thy espousals, how thou wentest after me in the Wilderness, in a land that was not sown.

We have put photographic mementos on your tables of the last four glorious years we have shared together. When we face challenges, we hope you will remind us of the promise of our early years.

Loving Witness

Dr. Gottman suggests it is important to have a ceremony where you are surrounded by well-wishers. Just as we were wrapped in the talit, so all of you who have attended have wrapped us in your love and helped make this day sacred and special. Those are not small things. It is never too late to gain love and support for the road ahead. Thank you for coming!