Did You Acquire Wisdom?

In his book The Seven Questions You’re asked in Heaven, Dr. Ron Wolfson draws on the rabbinic writings of Abba ben Joseph bar Hama (280-352 CE), known as Rava, to describe the questions you will be asked in heaven. As a baby boomer approaching my 63^rd birthday, I find I am spending more time thinking about ultimate issues. How best should I use the last quarter of my life?

These questions, according to Wolfson, were designed to “reveal how you lived your life on earth.” Wolfson notes that the third question asks “Did you set a time for Torah?” The fifth question in the book deals with wisdom and knowledge. It asks, “How did you learn? How did you study?”

Wolfson writes, “Our teacher Rava imagines that the Fifth Question You’ll be Asked in Heaven is in a two parts:

Pilpalta b’chochmah? - Did you seek wisdom?

Havanta d’var mitach davar? - Did you understand one thing from another?”

Wolfson argues that Rava’s two questions “seem to be a kind of instruction guide for his students as they swim in a sea of Talmud, a lifelong pursuit.” Wolfson goes on to argue that knowledge comes from three sources (The Seven Questions You’re Asked in Heaven, Dr. Ron Wolfson, Jewish Lights, pp 80-81):

• Da’at refers to factual knowledge - the what, where, when and how
• Binah refers to analytic ability
• Chochmah refers to the kind of knowledge that comes from experience, i.e., wisdom

The pursuit of analytic ability, knowledge and wisdom are important qualities for all people but they are very important to the strategic leader. One of the goals of USCJ’s Sulam for Strategic Planners program is to help leaders access all of their leadership learning skills.

Data Gathering

Da’at

We have the planners create a FACT book of all of the relevant internal and external facts relating to the synagogue.  We help planners conduct a congregational survey of their member’s wants and needs.

Binah

We have  planners create a SWOT analysis that looks at the congregation’s Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. This exercise helps sharpen the ability of the planners to analyze data and to see the relationship between different elements. When the congregational survey data is complete, we give planner a Survey Debrief Worksheet so that they can learn to listen for the big insights. What assumptions did they have? How have they changed? What are the implications? These exercises are designed to help planners “learn to study”.

Chochmah

We offer planners exercises that support analysis. The Strategic Planning Committee depends of the accumulated experience of the planners to make sense of all the information and to determine what is most important. This accumulated wisdom grows over the 12-15 months of planning. That is why it is so important the steering committee members make the commitment to finish the work together.  As consultants we sometimes refer to this as “the wisdom of the room”. A plan cannot just a book of facts or a  laundry list of actions- it must prioritize. It must identify what is most important and what is needed most now. It must lift up what is of greatest value.

Wolfson addresses this question about wisdom by quoting a famous rabbinic quote:

Before his death, Rabbi Zusya said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why you were not Zusya’?” (Tales of the Hasidim, Volume 1 page 251).

Outside consultants and resources can help support leaders, but in the end congregational leaders must determine the path that is best for them. The seventh question that Wolfson discusses is as follows: 

• Did you live your life trying to be someone else?
• Were you true to yourself?

We assign all planners the book Holy Conversations by Dr. Gil Rendle and Alice Mann. The authors speak from years of experience walking with congregational leaders. They learned that the goal of planning is not to fix congregations but to help them be the best that they can be:

Planning does not fix a congregation. Planning does not make it something that it is not. As leaders invite the congregation into a planning process, it is important that the participants understand that the structured conversation at the heart of planning is not meant to make the congregation look like some other successful congregation. Rather the structured conversation is meant to help the congregation be the people that they most effectively can be, given their history, their resources, and their call.

In Sulam for Strategic Planners we argue that planners need to manage the tension between three poles: Their enduring mission, vision and values, the unique challenge of their congregation’s environment and context and their capacities. We define these capacities as what a congregation is good at, what it is known for and what it is capable of. A strategy is a plan to help them fulfill their vision within the constraints of the context and capacity.

There is no mathematical formula for this work. It takes wisdom to learn from each pole. It takes courage to live in the tension between these poles and to navigate your own path. With a commitment to learning and practice, leaders can hope to answer some of these ultimate questions for themselves, their leadership community and their congregation. When planers look back on their time on the planning committee we hope they will feel that they acquired some wisdom.

Bob’s Jewish Relationships Journal

At the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism (USCJ) Large Congregations Conference last week, we were discussing Ron Wolfson's book Relational Judaism. We were exploring how to put Wolfson’s strategies into action. This led to some discussions about finding ways to track the level of engagement of our synagogue’s members. How do we understand their passion and interests? How do we track where they are in their Jewish journey? How do we ensure we are ready to support them to take action when they are ready to take a next step?

At USCJ’s Sulam leadership initiative we have been exploring ways to connect with members at key transition points. We created Sulam for Emerging Leaders program to reach out to members ages 35-45 who are involved in some aspect of synagogue life. While these people may not be ready to join synagogue leadership now, we hope to instill a deeper engagement with the community by showing how Judaism speaks to how they live and lead. We are also exploring how to re-engage members of the baby boomer generation (55-70 year-olds).

In speaking with experts on synagogue software we learned that firms are working on adding relationship management programs to synagogue software suites. Client relationship management programs allow organizations to track how often they touch members through programs, in conversation, in philanthropic requests, etc.

Systems may evolve, but there needs to be a growth in the organizational capacity to engage and record conversations. We need to help people reflect on their relationships, to motivate some people to listen and recruit others to turn these stories into trackable and actionable information.

So I thought I would take the first step, adapt Wolfson’s list of relationships (abridge a bit) and create a journal to review and start to track my Jewish relationships.

Personal	Doing Now	Hope to Do	My Next Step- (Support I need).	When
Self	Going to Weight Watchers weekly. Working out a NYSC 3- 4 times a week.	Do better job of tracking meals. Explore some yoga to increase flexibility.	Find schedule of yoga classes at New York Sports Club. Ask Larry for advice. Get a spotter who will help me get off the mat when it’s over.	By March 1, 2014
Family	Doing a better job of calling my sons. Planning a visit for all of them.	Finalize flights for them to come in March 14.		This week
Friends	Go to high school reunion in June	Reach out to old friends that I miss after moving to NYC. Get ready for Valentine’s Day- Carolyn’s cares!	Plan to stop over in Dayton on next trip. Hallmark store below my office- sooo convenient.	April Today
God	Weekly Torah study class, other books	Just ordered two books on Maimonides. One is pretty accessible.	Find a class on Maimonides Study-find out what God wants.	Next 6 months
Community	Doing Now	Hope to Do	My Next Step	When
Congregation	Have people over for Shabbat.	Sign up to host a dinner for congregational members. Invite some of my friend’s children.	Work on my recipe for Brussels sprouts	March
Greater Community	Working with friend of Carolyn’s on Mental Health Care Resource network	Help do some strategic planning with group at no charge.	Set up Meeting	March
Israel- World Jewry	Leading Israel Zionist Reading Group- Reading Like Dreamers with group	Starting I- Engage- Next version of Hartman Institute’s Israel engagement curriculum*. *Share some texts with reading group.	Complete course	March
World	Very little	Find a cause and contribute	Look into Hazon environmental efforts.

Up and Eager for Study

Make your home a regular place for the scholars;

Sit eagerly at their feet and thirstily drink their words

(Avot 1:4)

The tradition says that some mitzvot are to be done with alacrity.  We are to make sure we get to a house of study. We should be eager to engage. We are not to pause or be distracted. Each Saturday morning I wake up with a sense of purpose. I am up and ready. I will have my coffee and walk 4 blocks to my home synagogue’s Torah study class at 9:15 AM.  

There are about 10 regulars and a larger group of another 20 people that come at least once a month. Our rabbi is a great scholar and an excellent teacher. He brings some substantial learning to our table to go with our knowledge and our Etz Hayim humashim. We “regulars” are thirsty for this conversation.

I am no stranger to Torah study or to Jewish texts. While certainly not a scholar, I have a decent understanding of text study and how the parshiot connect to the overall narrative of Judaism and Jewish history. I feel I also have something to bring to the table.

Hebrew Language

Many of the “regulars” were products of Jewish day schools and yeshivas. Others have been active members of the community and developed great literacy in Hebrew language. It is not uncommon for long passages to be read in Hebrew. The class is taught with some deference for the capacities and preferences of the more learned. I am sometimes uncomfortable and intimidated.  At times, I try to work harder to follow in Hebrew so I can learn a new word or see a familiar phrase. At other times I tune out. Our community is pretty stable. Occasionally we have a new prospect test us out. When they don’t return, I wonder if they were intimidated. I have chosen to stay at the table.

Close Readings

Many in the class prefer close readings of the texts. They will focus on words. They will explore a sentence from different angles. I am a generalist. In Meyers-Briggs I am an "N" - Intuitive. We intuitive people tend to see patterns and connections.  We are interested in different synagogues' experiences or even other religions.  We tend to see the forest more than the trees. This close reading often seems to focus on minutiae, on footnotes. Many are "S" types, called sensors, they prefer detail and set rules. I can be impatient when there seems to be a pressing ethical or theological question that I feel we are not focusing on. I may become impatient - but I stay.

Torah Truths

While I love Torah study, I am often frustrated by the Torah. I just can’t believe that God was not always against slavery or couldn’t hear our cries in Egypt for 400 years. I don’t believe that God really wants to oppress Job, or kill Isaac or wipe out the enemie’s woman and children. I can’t believe that God is really jealous of other gods the way I am jealous over a rival. I can’t believe all of the small things that one could be condemned to death for. A death sentence, really? I believe that the God that I would pray to is good and reflective, not reactive and vengeful. When scholars try to provide rationalizations for these doubts, I really do want to get up and leave.

I love the wisdom of Pirkei Avot. I turn to this section in Sim Shalom on Shabbat morning to revisit these sayings. I stumble, however, over one of its central claims, that our tradition comes word for word directly from God (Avot 1:1).

Moses received the Torah from God at Sinai,

He transmitted it to Joshua,

Joshua to the elders, the elders to the Prophets,

The Prophets to the members of the Great Assembly

Based on my travels, I feel there are many synagogue members who go to Shabbat services infrequently. When they hear these words about the literalness of Torah without the interpretative tools of our class or the mentorship of the rabbi, they may feel alienated from the text. Some won’t stay engaged. They will walk away.

Fortunately our class allows many approaches to these texts. While there are different views about the meaning of revelation, the group tends not to take the Torah literally.  They are comfortable with our capacity to learn from difficult texts and to come out of class the richer for the conversation.

I was heartened to hear Rabbi Brad Artson’s podcast on the Ziegler Rabbinic School web site, entitled "Passing Life’s Tests: Using the Bible as a Source of Wisdom (Even if it Never Happened)."  He said he spoke for those who believe that Torah is transmitted wisdom not necessarily history. Our Sages understood Torah according to the time they lived in.  I believe we need to be knowledgeable about the Torah and rabbinic wisdom. Like our ancestors, we need to be engaged in interpreting it. I can stay at that kind of table.

Torah Study Connected Vertically and Horizontally

Chancellor Arnold Eisen of the Jewish Theological Seminary was a scholar in residence at our congregation. He was talking about Conservative Judaism and its core values.  He noted the importance of making our Jewish connections "vertically." We are  vertically connected to our ancestors and to generations that have come before. When our sages and leaders have held a value to be sacred we are honor bound to study it, to take it seriously.   I like the idea that our class is connected to a longstanding process of learning. We treat the texts seriously. We honor them.

Eisen also talked about the importance of being connected "horizontally" to Jews all around the world. We know that other Torah study classes are engaged with the same parsha as we study. The prayers we say on Shabbat morning are the same prayers said in Prague, Moscow or Jerusalem. We are one family.

Reflecting on Learning

I teach congregational leadership. One of the attributes of successful leaders is a capacity for reflection.  I don’t recall if we have ever had a discussion about how the text study class is working for us. What is helpful? What is hard? Where are we on our journey? (Bob, what is it like to move from Ohio at age 60 and start over? What texts speak to this journey? ) How do these texts speak to us at this moment? Why do we stay? I feel I know enough to ask these questions.

While journaling is not part of our curriculum, I have taken this time to write about the experience. On reflection, I value teachers who connect us to sacred texts, sacred conversations and a sacred chevruta community.

When things get tough I try to reflect and not just react. On refection, I see that our class, while imperfect, gives us an opportunity to bring our life experience, our need for community and our thirst for learning to the foot of our Torah study table. I am glad I have stayed.

A Weight Shall be Lifted

It is the week before Yom Kippur and I am working on New Year’s resolutions.  I have been thinking a lot about the challenges of developing healthy habits. I have a friend who has been a participant in Weight Watchers for many years. He works at it. He shared a conversation he often has with his sister. She reports to him that “Weight Watchers just doesn’t work.”

He then asks her a series of questions about the program. Do you weigh your food? Do you count your points? Do you plan your grocery shopping around healthy meals? Do you weigh in and go to meetings? She shakes her head no after each question. So finally he says to her, “So are you really doing Weight Watchers?”

I have been in Weight Watchers for about six months and I have struggled with the program. I was trying to lose weight and all we ever talk about at meetings is food. At first, I saw myself as outside of these conversations. They were like a Weight Watchers soap opera- As the Scale Turns. One woman complained about her sister who always brought her chocolate covered caramels for the holidays. Another admitted that she would binge in the middle of the night so she tried to put up a barricade to the kitchen. I learned about all the ways people sneak their snacks. One volunteered to clear the table so she could eat off others’ plates. Then there were the home brewed remedies- a variety of unusual low point recipes. I felt I needed my mother’s old plastic index card recipe holder. I was clearly not comfortable participating in the drama.

I didn’t like the process either.  I told the trainer I am not one to count points all day, to write things down or to carry a scale. He smiled the knowing smile of one who has heard these excuses before.  He asked, “What are you good at?”  Well, I teach strategic planning. I believe a person should have a plan. He says, “so great, be a planner then, create a Weight Watcher’s plan that works for you.”

In the past three months I have gotten more into the program in order to develop that plan. I bought an activity monitor that tracks my daily movement. I go to the store with a shopping list. I count the points for the typical meals I have, Mediterranean salad with tuna, oatmeal and blueberries, chicken breast with broccoli, etc. I don’t weigh the food, but I cut my 12 oz. steak into two pieces and save one half for the next day. I have made Indian and Chinese food a rare treat. I get an honest Weight Watcher’s weigh in each week. Ok, I learned some of the permissible tricks. I take off everything possible at the scale, even my watch.  I even dabbled in some rogue activity like leaning on the counter at the scale. The staff raised their eyebrows and calmly (they have seen that one before) objected, “sir, could you take your hands off the counter for a second.” My path is often two steps forward and one step back, but the scales have begun to shift. I am beginning to create some new habits.

Keeping it Raw and Real

On Wednesday night we tell stories and applaud each other’s efforts. The class is about 90% woman so I often feel like I came to the wrong meeting. In the end I have come to appreciate the class. I have had a lifelong food addiction and addressing addiction is serious business. I am writing this before Yom Kippur. The shofar has sounded during Rosh Hashanah. The shofar is supposed to wake us up from our sleep walking. The sound of the shofar is emotional, raw and real. Everyone in the meeting room deserves some respect. They have disclosed some of the real and raw struggles they face. They have taken the time to take a  measure of things. They have made facing down their addiction Job 1. I am willing to disclose that I share their story, I have chosen not to stand outside their circle.

Participants come with different motivations. All want to look better, better fit into their clothes and to have more energy. It takes a good deal of endurance to move through the streets of NYC. Some are facing serious health challenges. Every year they carry the weight, they carry greater and greater health risks.

I am a story teller so I like to share my ups and downs. I have come to suspect that staff who are in charge of weigh-ins are listening with ears pricked at attention for people with great stories and disappointing weigh-ins , so I tend to be pretty quiet on poor weigh-in days.  I have heard stories that start “I gained three pounds, but I feel I have learned a lot.”  There is compassion. Perhaps some faint applause. I am just too competitive to use that lead! When I have had success I am full of helpful hints. I might share a healthy snack (apples, feta and walnuts) or a way to get a few more ticks on my Weight Watchers’ Activity Meter (walking from 43 and Second Avenue to Columbus Circle at 59th and Broadway to pick up the Uptown 1 train).

Keystone Habits           

 Regular exercise has really made a difference for me. Charles Duhigg talks about the power of some habits to lead to other positive habits:

Typically, people who exercise start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed. It is not completely clear why. But for many people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change. “Exercise spills over, “said James Prochaska, A University of Rhode Island researcher.  “There is something about it that makes other good habits easier” (Habit, NY Random House Charles Duhigg, p. 109).

Another habit that has made a difference is regular Shabbat services. I have made Shabbat a keystone habit. It helps me take time to reflect. Most of the themes of the High Holidays are present on Saturday morning. We are reminded of the wonder of God’s creation and the gifts of his learning and law. We are reminded of God’s relationship with our ancestors and his hopes for their descendants--us. We are reminded that God is eternal and that we are finite. Each week we are challenged to weigh our priorities and to try to put God first. Rabbi Alan Lew wrote a book called “This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation” (Little Brown, 2003). Because of my Shabbat habit, I am not completely unprepared for the High Holidays ahead.

Days of Awe--some

Last year my Rabbi gave an introduction to the Yamim Noraim--the Days of Awe. He said that we were all beginning a process. He knew that we all had different habits, different practices. Some would come for every service. Others would come in and out. Whatever our practice, he challenged us to really make an effort to do all of the rituals with intention and commitment. “If you really make the effort I promise you this:  At the end of these days you will feel lighter, a weight will be lifted.”

Some people are skeptical of my growing enthusiasm for Judaism. They say, "I have been a member, but I just don’t get anything out of services." “I grew up Jewish, but I just don’t see that it makes much of a difference in my life.” While these skeptics do not seem to be growing Jewishly, often don’t seem to have much interest in getting support to do more. I thought to ask those who say “that the Judaism program” is not working for them the following:

• Do you study Torah on any regular basis?
• Have you sought a teacher or stepped up to teach something?
• Have you participated in the singing?
• Have you reflected on those that are ill or whispered the name of someone you were concerned about?
• Have you thought about the generations that came before during the Avot or the generations that will come after you in “L’dor v’dor?”
• Have you honored someone’s yartzeit or helped another person honor theirs?
• Have you tried to learn about the prayers or disclosed to a friend or teacher how you really feel about saying them?
• Have you found some part of the community where you could make a difference?
• Have you considered how you eat? Have you reflected on the values you have around food and tried to eat with more awareness?
• Have you reached out to be known or welcomed someone who might want to know you?

If you have not done any of these things you may have to admit that you are probably “not really doing the Judaism program.” The High Holiday process starts with recognition. We make a heshbon ha-nefesh, a spiritual accounting. While your Jewish checklist might not be the same as mine, the High Holidays challenges each of us to have some kind of list for ourselves.

At its heart, Conservative Judaism should be about wrestling with issues and striving to develop our practices. We are trying to move up the spiritual ladder (Sulam). It is not an easy program, but our tradition suggests that one good practice can lead to another. When a Conservative Jew feels stuck spiritually I hope he/she would seek support to grow, to ask, “What is my next step?” I believe that by putting effort into Weight Watchers, exercise and Shabbat I feel less burdened by my past and more alive in my present.  Yes, as my Rabbi promised, I feel a weight has been lifted.                           

Building a House You Can Live In

“Building a House You Can Live In”

We are at the end of Deuteronomy. Moses will be handing over leadership to Joshua.  He tells the people that “as soon as you have crossed the Jordan into the land that the Lord has given you, you shall set upon large stones. Coat them with plaster and inscribe upon them all the words of this Teaching” (Deut 27:1).   He wants them to build their future homes shaped by the law. The tribes were divided into two groups. Six were to stand on Mt. Ebal to hear the Levites read the curses and 6 were on Mt. Gerizim to hear the Levites recite the blessings. After each statement, the people were to then say “amen”.

Can we say Amen?

In Midrash Raba, Rabbi Judah son of Sima said, "Amen contains three kinds of solemn declarations: oath, consent, and confirmation." The blessing  and curses of Ki Tavo enter us when we say, "Amen!" The blessings and curses come from on high. They are God’s words delivered from mountains. The people must have felt small at that moment.

The Lord will make pestilence cling to you, until He has put an end to you in the land that you are entering to possess. The Lord will strike you with consumption, fever, inflammation, with scorching heat and drought and mildew that shall hound you until you perish. (Deut. 26)

I am not sure I am ready to say “Amen”. I find that many of the Conservative Jews I meet, like me, struggle with the God of the Bible. They love the wisdom and truth of the Torah but many are not inclined to take it literally. In a post-Holocaust world they are not sure that God on high can be counted on to deliver us below or ensure our blessings.

Last Shabbat we discussed the tradition of reading the curses - the tokhekha (chastisement) in a quiet voice and in a hurried fashion. Our rabbi explained that one rabbi after the Holocaust refused to say these quietly. He was so angry at the hidden and silent God that he felt that we should yell to the heavens (not whisper).

Some of what is written in the Torah defies my sense of logic. I too, want to protest to the heavens.  I don’t believe in a God that would answer one mother with a dying child and not respond to another. Most adults that I know have prayed for healing and received none. I have personal experience with this. In a post-Holocaust world, what are the Jewish people to make of these texts where God claims that He is all-powerful and will act powerfully in history?

Certainly survivors of the Holocaust grew tired of waiting for God: Elie Wiesel stopped believing in the God that would act to redeem him. For him, God was silent. Wiesel rebelled and protested against him. What do you do when God is silent? Elie Wiesel wrote in his book The Fifth Son, "Your only chance of survival lies within the community; it needs you…you need it.”

I was thus  heartened to hear Rabbi Brad Artson’s podcast on the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies website, entitled “Passing Life’s Tests: Using the Bible as a Source of Wisdom (Even If It Never Happened)”.  He said he spoke for those who believe that Torah is transmitted wisdom and not necessarily literal history. Rabbi Artson’s credo, which appears on his web site, reads as follows:

“I refuse to read halakha or the Torah in such a way that it makes God seem cruel, nor will I sever the intimate connection between God’s will and God’s Torah”

I am open to the idea that God has chosen to be self-limiting in terms of power (does not intervene in the Holocaust or save a dying child) and does not act in history with a mighty hand. I like to believe that God is, however, unlimited in love and emotionally connected to us.

Be a Blessing

I would like to reframe the message from Mt. Gerizim. I do not want to wait for God to bless this world. I do believe in God. Yes, we should bring God our first fruits so that we remember to give God our best.  I believe we  do that by being a blessing. So much of blessings and curses is about our national destiny.  The children are blessed or cursed for the deeds of their parents. The people are blessed or cursed for thy deeds of their leaders. I believe we can put God first by taking personal responsibility to build a house of blessing.

Curse:  “If you build a house you shall not live in it “(Deut 28:30)

Let’s reframe this curse. If you follow a Torah guided path of Jewish living how might your life be become more of a blessing . How might you build a house you could  live in?

Here is how I answered this Elul 5773- “Building a House I Can Live In”

• I would learn more Torah and honor my teachers. I would live in a house of learning.
• I would share my Torah with others. My house would be a place of teaching.
• I would find new ways to contribute to the synagogue. I would lead Torah study or run a book group. My house would be a place of gathering.
• I would focus on the most important things in life (being a kind person, a friend, a father, a husband. My house would be a place of  compassion and kindness.
• I would find the words to describe why life is a blessing. My house would be a place of gratitude.
• I would try to help others find the words (like the priest receiving the first fruits in Ki Tavo) to praise God for His creation. My house would be a place of praise.
• I would take time to look for the divine spark in people and to appreciate their courage and grace. My house would be a place of hope.
• I would enjoy all permissible pleasures to the fullest. My house would be a place of joy.
• I would take time to see the wonders of God’s natural world. I bought a book about Central Park and I plan to ride my bike to see little glimpses of its art and craft. My house would be a place of awe.

A Prayer for the High Holidays

Rabbi Harold Kushner confirms in his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People,  what we all know too well: the good often suffer and the evil often prosper.  While the Bible talks about God separating the Red Sea, in our times  it does not seem that God intervenes in nature to protect us from storms or reaches down to fix the scales of justice in this life.  Most of us do not know why. In a speech to survivors of Hurricane Katrina, Kushner said that God was not in the storm but in the still small voice of dignity that guided first responders. Blessings are not always shouted from mountain tops, sometimes they are whispered by caring community leaders. I agree with Wiesel, our “only chance of survival lies within the community;” it needs us all and we need it. To that I can say – Amen.

High Holiday Prayer: Dear God, help me make time to build a sacred community so that my house will be a place of blessing.

Lucky Us

It is a mitzvah to dance at a wedding. Judaism values sharing life’s joys together. So I traveled back to Ohio with great expectation to celebrate a simcha. I was not disappointed.

After a beautiful ceremony the wedding party was on. We dined. We drank. We danced. We were brought to attention when we saw that the father of the bride was standing at the front of open dance floor. Pride and joy filled his tuxedo. His shoulders back and his head up, he demanded out attention.  He is the father of three daughters. A quiet, unassuming and humble man, he grabbed the microphone with confidence and ease and began to give the wedding speech he was born to give.

Baseball had been special for him. Growing up in the South he had been a Braves fan. He told an endearing story of the time his daughter went to a Braves game with him. The fans dismissed the little girl at his side until she amazed them with her detailed account of the inning. After that they gave her their stat card and invited her to do it.

And so it went. We were privileged to leaf through pages of the family scrap book. When you immerse yourself in the power of another family’s memories, you begin to turn your own family album pages in your mind. My mind continued to turn those pages.

A wedding is full of family album photo opportunities. The photographer is busy capturing these memories. There are those, however, that cannot be in the pictures.

His father had died young. I knew one of the memories he carried forward was following baseball with his dad. I imagine them playing catch. He shared his gratitude for the years they had together and ended by saying…lucky us.

He spoke of his wife’s mother. She had died, far too young, of cancer. He shared his gratitude for the years they had together. Lucky us.

My lips began to form the words - like a collective amen - lucky us.

He mentioned a brother who was too ill to travel. Those of us who knew the backstory knew the sadness of this moment. Again, he shared his gratitude for the years they had together. These words were harder to say...but finally, lucky us.

The attendees have sent cards and gifts to celebrate the marriage. The bride and the groom are dressed in high fashion. At our tables we are well fed. What can be added? The father of the bride gives the ultimate wedding gift, a grateful heart.

"Lucky us" is not merely a description of the world we live in. It is an aspiration. "Lucky us" is a fundamental Jewish value. We start each day with morning prayers of gratitude for the gift of breath, for our bodies and for this world. We do this ritual to remind us to lift up our heads and look at our blessings, not just our disappointments; our opportunities, not just our challenges.

The father was probably too busy to notice that the week’s parsha was the story of the biblical scouts. They were charged to survey the land and to report if it was a land that would provide a blessed future for the people. They came back and focused on all the obstacles- not the blessings. Because of their lack of hope, faith and gratitude that whole generation had to wander for 40 years. They would not be able to come into the promised land.

The father of the bride knows that there are things to fear. Life can be precarious. Read the news! He gives the new couple a great gift - a grateful and hopeful spirit. He gives them a sense of a blessed future.

The wedding guests traveled to celebrate a simcha and we left with a wonderful lesson:

lucky us.

Scattering the Forces of Resistance (Parashat Be'ha'alotekha)

Parashat Be'ha'alotekha discusses how the Torah traveled in front of the people. We read the following in Numbers 10: 35-36:

When the Ark was to set out, Moses would say:
Advance, O Lord
May your enemies be scattered, and may your foes flee before You.
And when it halted, he would say
Return, o Lord,
You who are Israel’s myriad of thousands!

The text has a military theme. As the people march forward, God is protecting them. God scatters their enemies and clears the path for the people. Enemies flee.

The next passage abruptly shifts from the vision of a people on the march to their desired future to the complaints of the people looking to the emotions of their present and the prejudices of their past. The Torah (Numbers 11:4-5) says that the people complained before the Lord:

The riff-raff in their midst felt a gluttonous craving and then the Israelites wept and said, 'If only we had meat to eat. We remember the fish we used to eat free in Egypt.' 

Judaism does not require that we give up the joys of this world. We are permitted to eat well, just not to be gluttonous. We are permitted to have sensual desire but within the structure of sacred relationships.  We are meant to be fully engaged with this world but to remember that we are part of a design of ultimate purpose- the building of sacred community.

God is willing to walk with us but we need to join the procession. Every time the Torah is read we have the opportunity to get up and greet the Torah after the first text above is read from the bimah. Each week we have the opportunity to connect with God and to ask for God’s support in reducing the forces of resistance between our current lives and the lives we aspire to.

We know all too well that our higher aspirations are always be challenged by ours fears and doubts. Like the Israelites, we sometimes swing from sacredness to selfishness within the same Shabbat morning service. Such is our unsteady path.

When the Torah procession comes around the sanctuary, we have a chance to stand up and connect with the Torah. Its ways are ways of pleasantness and all its paths are peace. With this sure connection we surely gain strength - our steps the following week will be steadier. Surefooted, we will gain new capacity to scatter the obstacles before us.