Pursuing Peace

Pursuing Peace- Creating a Framework for Engagement

"Depart from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it" (Psalms 34:15)

My rabbi began his High Holiday speech by saying, "This has been a very difficult summer for most of us." Of course, he was talking about Israel. He talked about what it was like to live under the tension of rockets. We all remember when major airlines refused to fly to Tel Aviv. We also saw the incredible instability of the Middle East- Egypt, Syria, Libya, Iraq. I was in Paris in July this summer when the anti-Israel demonstrations were going on. I saw police cars parked in front of synagogues. In every bistro in Paris the TV sets were showing pictures of Gaza. I walked by signs that explained that this was a corner where Jewish children had been gathered up for transport. I felt their vulnerability. It felt vulnerable again.

For those of us that make a hobby of following the politics of the region it is extraordinarily difficult to keep up with the complex weave of events. In Israel, these are not just intellectual issues- they are existential issues. Many people want to pressure Israel to take a leap for peace because they think that the leap could make things better or make things right.  While a Palestinian state on the West Bank might provide a breakthrough that allows Israel to gain real sustainable peace this risky leap could put a Hamas oriented regime 10 miles from major population centers.

Tal Becker

Recently I heard a presentation from Israel peace negotiator, Dr. Tal Becker. Becker is a senior policy advisor to Israel's Minister of Foreign Affairs and was a lead negotiator in the Annapolis peace talks. He described three main possible paths going forward: "Meltdown, Muddle Through and Miracle." Becker said that 80% of Israelis still hope for a two state solution. At the same time most Israelis don’t believe a miracle is possible. So this summer rockets flared. Children had nightmares of terrorist coming out of the ground to snatch them. Although parents try to comfort their children, when they talked with their friends they were uneasy. They saw no miracle path to comfort-just ongoing tension as they muddle through and hope to avoid a meltdown.

My rabbi noted that many of his colleagues had chosen not to speak about Israel for the High Holidays. They were uncomfortable. It was just too divisive. He disclosed that he had lost some members who felt he had not been strident enough in supporting Israel. A few had quit because he had not condemned Israel enough for the war in Gaza. In my work I see more rabbis choosing to avoid this topic. While the connection to Israel is a core pillar of Conservative Judaism, many rabbis have chosen to flee the topic.

My rabbi decided, despite the risks, that it would be "rabbinic malpractice" not to speak about Israel during these High Holiday. He also announced a series of programs about Israel to continue the conversation. As I listened to his High Holiday sermon I became uncomfortable. I am a co-chair of the Israel Zionist Book Group at the synagogue. It was time to pick a book. I read several books this summer. Each expanded my knowledge but they were too polarizing. I stand in the middle of most of these debates. I pride myself in wanting to understand both sides of an issue. With passions high, I just did not want to make a choice. In the end, I decided it would be Zionist malpractice not to pick a book. We are meeting November 3 to read Turning David into Goliath.

Tal Becker noted that Israelis audiences have become used to living with unresolved issues. In contrast he noted he has found that American audiences always wanted to be left with some hope. While his analysis was not particularly hopeful, his stance provided me with some hope. He talked about how important it was to listen and empathize with the other parties' story and not to shout over it. It does not pay to ask Palestinians to "get over" their sense of loss from the events of 1948 anymore than it is reasonable to ask Israelis to forget 3000 years of persecution or the Holocaust. He said the effective diplomat needs to imagine how he would write his adversaries' "victory speech." Negotiators need to be able to see how their plan might provide a plausible path for the other side to accept a settlement.

I encourage leaders have to balance their stance of advocacy (winning the case) and inquiry (learning about the situation).In practice, I lean to the pole of inquiry, or as Steven Covey argues, to "seek first to understand before being understood."

Becker noted that the Torah challenges us to "seek" peace, not to "achieve" peace. We are all challenged to be seekers of peace, even if - and when - the issues around the achievement of peace may be out of our control.

Peace, Becker argued, came when boundaries and resources were negotiated. The agreements were not made by people who loved or trusted each other. The peace accords created a structure that allowed the better actors in both communities to evolve. By taking a balanced stance for engaging Israel, my rabbi created a structure where members could stay engaged, continue to learn, and maintain some hope. He encouraged me to seize the opportunity to step up and engage my book group. That was an action within my control.

Securing Our Future - Choosing Life

Last week in parashat Ki Tavo, we read about the “blessing and the curses’ that will follow depending on how the people of Israel maintain their part of the covenant. This week in parashat Nitzavim, we read that the people are gathered as they prepare to enter the land with Joshua and reminded of the covenant is made with all the people and their descendants.

We Stand Together

Moses tells the people that they stand here not just with their elders, wives and children but even with their guest workers, “from woodchoppers to water carriers” (Deuteronomy 31:9). Moses is making it clear that the covenant moves across lines of class and across age and gender.

The covenant also moves back vertically between our ancestors and our future generations.

 I make this covenant, with its sanctions, not with you alone, but both with those who are not with us this day. (Deuteronomy 29:13)

This covenantal mission is not just with the current leaders but with their descendants.

My Alban Institute colleague Dan Hotchkiss used to ask congregations, ”Who owns the congregation?” Leaders normally would tell him, “Our members own it.” He challenged them by suggesting that in fact it is the congregation’s mission that owns the congregation. He then suggested that if prospective members and those not even born could stand and be counted, then congregational votes might be different.

When the people enter the land they need to be accountable. When they cross the Jordan the manna stops falling. We need to let go of our dependency and open our hearts to accountability.

Then the Lord your God will open up your hearts and the hearts of your offspring to love the Lord your God with all you heart and soul in order that you may live (Deut.30:6)

A short version of this mission statement might be, “We help people follow these teachings so that might live.”

How do leaders ensure that they can fulfill this mission today and tomorrow?

Next generations may rightfully question current synagogue leaders should they find problems they have inherited:

• Long term endowment funds have been tapped for current operations

• Preventive maintenance on the facility has been long deferred

• Too many board meetings continued with ineffective meeting strategies, unaccountable leadership and personal agendas

• Youth programs were cut back at a time where they were needed more than ever

• Adult education programs had been allowed to wither. We need not create more teachers and students.

As a synagogue leader, I need to weigh the balance of what I have done to provide an inheritance for future generations and what I have failed to do.

A High Holiday Reflection

These texts have helped me think about the upcoming High Holidays. I am reminded that I will stand with the entire congregation this week- old and young- rich and poor. I will be reminded of the covenant God had with my ancestors. The liturgy remind me to seek God’s compassion based on the merit of those who have come before us and for the way in which we ensure community for future generations.

It's often said that American leaders “kick the can” down the road (especially with issues like social security, national debt, etc.) for someone else. How can we ask the next generation of leaders to invest in our community if we are not stepping up to secure their future?

In the theology of the High Holidays we learn that repentance requires four steps:

• Recognition
• Remorse
• Confession
• Resolve

photo credit: nymag.com

This brings me to last Sunday’s climate march in NYC. I recognize that we have been “kicking the can” down the road and I am sorry that we are jeopardizing the lives of our descendants. As I talked about the march I got several responses. One business person asked why we should step up when other countries don’t want to do their part. Another just felt there was nothing they could do. Some attacked me personally for bringing the issue up - they wanted to ignore it.

The High Holidays remind us we are just temporary guests. Our lives are finite. God’s creation is meant to be enduring. Moses teaches that what is asked is difficult but not impossible:

 “It is not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond reach. It is not in the heavens, that you should say, “Who amongst you can go up to the heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?” No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth, in your heart, to observe it” (Deuteronomy 30:11-12).

At the march, we stood with those who choose to recognize the facts and regret what we have avoided and covered up. Joining others to take a stand is “not beyond our reach.” We continue to stand with those who are willing to speak up and resolve to take a stand. The answer is not in heaven. I can choose to be a better recycler. I can stand this day with others - rich and poor, young and old. I can look to stand up on any platform (this blog). I can advocate for our mission to “help people follow these teachings so that they might live.”

Don't Forget to Ask Why

As the sales manager in our family cleaning products business, I knew that buyers did not focus on features; they looked to see why they would benefit from the decision... How would this product help them meet their goals? On sales calls, our sales force would often slip into making long lists of product features. To be honest, I often lapsed myself. I wanted to share the percent of water we could wring out with each squeeze of the O-Cedar Twist N’ Mop.

When I left the cleaning business and moved into congregational consulting I assumed leaders would focus more on selling the intangible- “the why.” Why be Jewish? Why belong to a synagogue? I assumed we would appeal more to emotion. What I found was that most synagogue leaders made their appeal based on features- “the what!”

Typical mission statements often announce that a kehilla is "a Conservative synagogue serving the Eastern New Jersey area." They list their offerings - “their what.”

•  Shabbat Services
• Holiday services and programs
• Adult education
• Pre-school
• Religious school
• Teen programs
• Opportunities for social justice
• Caring committees

They seldom focused on “The Why!”

Why Start With Why?

Simon Sinek has written about that the importance of asking why. You can get a quick overview of his ideas by listening to his TED Talk. 

Sinek believes that we make most of our major decisions with our gut. Our decisions are shaped by the part of the brain that controls emotion. This is a view that is shared by Daniel Goleman. (Primal Leadership). Sinek argues that we make many decisions with our emotions and then find logical rationale to support what we feel. Anyone who has observed our polarized American politics can document this pattern.

Given the importance of emotion in gaining hearts and minds of people, Sinek argues that it is critical that we explain people “the why?”.  We need to get them to buy into the dream. In his TED talk he uses the example of Dr. Martin Luther King. Jr. King did not focus on every detail of the civil rights agenda. He focused on the dream. People of all ages and races came to Washington because they embraced the vision of a God-given sense of individual dignity that might be more powerful than the political and economic might of the ruling order.

Given this lesson, Sinek suggests that innovative and inspirational leaders start with their purpose first and then explain “How” and “What”.  Sinek describes three steps:

Sinek-Normal Process	Sinek-Innovative and Inspirational  Process
What?	Why?
How?	How?
Why?	What?

 

Synagogue Leaders With A Purpose

Jewish communal observers have noted that today’s young Jews are less ethnic. They are not going to join a synagogue just to be with fellow Jews or to escape from anti-Semitism.  They believe that they are the final arbiter of what they should do.  They are also less conforming. They are not going to join because society says they should. In such an environment synagogues have to show why belonging to a synagogue will make a difference in their lives. It has never been more important than ever to explain why, to have a sense of purpose.

In United Synagogue's Sulam Leadership Program, we went to the trouble to create a new framework for describing goals. We called them P.A.C.T Goals. They start with purpose.

P- Purpose- Why are we doing this? How does it relate to our mission, vision and purpose?

A- Action- What are we going to do?

C- Capacity- How will we do it? What people and resources and knowledge will we need?

T- Timeframe- When will we do it?

Let’s look at what this might look like:

Example: Share Shabbat Program

PACT Process	Example
P- Purpose- Why are we doing this?	Help members take time to share the beauty, joy and holiness of Shabbat with other families
A- Action- What are we going to do?	Create a “Share Shabbat” program that helps families share Shabbat by matching hosts and guests. Share family Shabbat resources (guides to prayers, songs, parsha).
C- Capacity- How will we do it?	We will create a committee to share the responsibility to organize 4 weekends
T- Timeframe- When will we do it?	Once a month starting January through April

Vision to Action

 Leaders may want to just write their goals “what, who and when.” In the Sulam for Strategic Planners program, we spend a lot of time on Vision. We have worked hard to make the connection between vision and action. Vision can certainly inspire action. It can’t inspire action, however, if it is buried away in a binder that says “Work Completed.” In order to insure this connection we need to nudge our leaders to take the time build a bridge between the why and the how. If they do they may find they have more followers stepping forward.

Did You Acquire Wisdom?

In his book The Seven Questions You’re asked in Heaven, Dr. Ron Wolfson draws on the rabbinic writings of Abba ben Joseph bar Hama (280-352 CE), known as Rava, to describe the questions you will be asked in heaven. As a baby boomer approaching my 63^rd birthday, I find I am spending more time thinking about ultimate issues. How best should I use the last quarter of my life?

These questions, according to Wolfson, were designed to “reveal how you lived your life on earth.” Wolfson notes that the third question asks “Did you set a time for Torah?” The fifth question in the book deals with wisdom and knowledge. It asks, “How did you learn? How did you study?”

Wolfson writes, “Our teacher Rava imagines that the Fifth Question You’ll be Asked in Heaven is in a two parts:

Pilpalta b’chochmah? - Did you seek wisdom?

Havanta d’var mitach davar? - Did you understand one thing from another?”

Wolfson argues that Rava’s two questions “seem to be a kind of instruction guide for his students as they swim in a sea of Talmud, a lifelong pursuit.” Wolfson goes on to argue that knowledge comes from three sources (The Seven Questions You’re Asked in Heaven, Dr. Ron Wolfson, Jewish Lights, pp 80-81):

• Da’at refers to factual knowledge - the what, where, when and how
• Binah refers to analytic ability
• Chochmah refers to the kind of knowledge that comes from experience, i.e., wisdom

The pursuit of analytic ability, knowledge and wisdom are important qualities for all people but they are very important to the strategic leader. One of the goals of USCJ’s Sulam for Strategic Planners program is to help leaders access all of their leadership learning skills.

Data Gathering

Da’at

We have the planners create a FACT book of all of the relevant internal and external facts relating to the synagogue.  We help planners conduct a congregational survey of their member’s wants and needs.

Binah

We have  planners create a SWOT analysis that looks at the congregation’s Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. This exercise helps sharpen the ability of the planners to analyze data and to see the relationship between different elements. When the congregational survey data is complete, we give planner a Survey Debrief Worksheet so that they can learn to listen for the big insights. What assumptions did they have? How have they changed? What are the implications? These exercises are designed to help planners “learn to study”.

Chochmah

We offer planners exercises that support analysis. The Strategic Planning Committee depends of the accumulated experience of the planners to make sense of all the information and to determine what is most important. This accumulated wisdom grows over the 12-15 months of planning. That is why it is so important the steering committee members make the commitment to finish the work together.  As consultants we sometimes refer to this as “the wisdom of the room”. A plan cannot just a book of facts or a  laundry list of actions- it must prioritize. It must identify what is most important and what is needed most now. It must lift up what is of greatest value.

Wolfson addresses this question about wisdom by quoting a famous rabbinic quote:

Before his death, Rabbi Zusya said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me, ‘Why you were not Zusya’?” (Tales of the Hasidim, Volume 1 page 251).

Outside consultants and resources can help support leaders, but in the end congregational leaders must determine the path that is best for them. The seventh question that Wolfson discusses is as follows: 

• Did you live your life trying to be someone else?
• Were you true to yourself?

We assign all planners the book Holy Conversations by Dr. Gil Rendle and Alice Mann. The authors speak from years of experience walking with congregational leaders. They learned that the goal of planning is not to fix congregations but to help them be the best that they can be:

Planning does not fix a congregation. Planning does not make it something that it is not. As leaders invite the congregation into a planning process, it is important that the participants understand that the structured conversation at the heart of planning is not meant to make the congregation look like some other successful congregation. Rather the structured conversation is meant to help the congregation be the people that they most effectively can be, given their history, their resources, and their call.

In Sulam for Strategic Planners we argue that planners need to manage the tension between three poles: Their enduring mission, vision and values, the unique challenge of their congregation’s environment and context and their capacities. We define these capacities as what a congregation is good at, what it is known for and what it is capable of. A strategy is a plan to help them fulfill their vision within the constraints of the context and capacity.

There is no mathematical formula for this work. It takes wisdom to learn from each pole. It takes courage to live in the tension between these poles and to navigate your own path. With a commitment to learning and practice, leaders can hope to answer some of these ultimate questions for themselves, their leadership community and their congregation. When planers look back on their time on the planning committee we hope they will feel that they acquired some wisdom.

Bob’s Jewish Relationships Journal

At the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism (USCJ) Large Congregations Conference last week, we were discussing Ron Wolfson's book Relational Judaism. We were exploring how to put Wolfson’s strategies into action. This led to some discussions about finding ways to track the level of engagement of our synagogue’s members. How do we understand their passion and interests? How do we track where they are in their Jewish journey? How do we ensure we are ready to support them to take action when they are ready to take a next step?

At USCJ’s Sulam leadership initiative we have been exploring ways to connect with members at key transition points. We created Sulam for Emerging Leaders program to reach out to members ages 35-45 who are involved in some aspect of synagogue life. While these people may not be ready to join synagogue leadership now, we hope to instill a deeper engagement with the community by showing how Judaism speaks to how they live and lead. We are also exploring how to re-engage members of the baby boomer generation (55-70 year-olds).

In speaking with experts on synagogue software we learned that firms are working on adding relationship management programs to synagogue software suites. Client relationship management programs allow organizations to track how often they touch members through programs, in conversation, in philanthropic requests, etc.

Systems may evolve, but there needs to be a growth in the organizational capacity to engage and record conversations. We need to help people reflect on their relationships, to motivate some people to listen and recruit others to turn these stories into trackable and actionable information.

So I thought I would take the first step, adapt Wolfson’s list of relationships (abridge a bit) and create a journal to review and start to track my Jewish relationships.

Personal	Doing Now	Hope to Do	My Next Step- (Support I need).	When
Self	Going to Weight Watchers weekly. Working out a NYSC 3- 4 times a week.	Do better job of tracking meals. Explore some yoga to increase flexibility.	Find schedule of yoga classes at New York Sports Club. Ask Larry for advice. Get a spotter who will help me get off the mat when it’s over.	By March 1, 2014
Family	Doing a better job of calling my sons. Planning a visit for all of them.	Finalize flights for them to come in March 14.		This week
Friends	Go to high school reunion in June	Reach out to old friends that I miss after moving to NYC. Get ready for Valentine’s Day- Carolyn’s cares!	Plan to stop over in Dayton on next trip. Hallmark store below my office- sooo convenient.	April Today
God	Weekly Torah study class, other books	Just ordered two books on Maimonides. One is pretty accessible.	Find a class on Maimonides Study-find out what God wants.	Next 6 months
Community	Doing Now	Hope to Do	My Next Step	When
Congregation	Have people over for Shabbat.	Sign up to host a dinner for congregational members. Invite some of my friend’s children.	Work on my recipe for Brussels sprouts	March
Greater Community	Working with friend of Carolyn’s on Mental Health Care Resource network	Help do some strategic planning with group at no charge.	Set up Meeting	March
Israel- World Jewry	Leading Israel Zionist Reading Group- Reading Like Dreamers with group	Starting I- Engage- Next version of Hartman Institute’s Israel engagement curriculum*. *Share some texts with reading group.	Complete course	March
World	Very little	Find a cause and contribute	Look into Hazon environmental efforts.