Turning Lemons into Lemonade (Parashat Matot)

In Parashat Matot (Numbers 33), the Israelites are ready to begin the conquest of the land. We learn that the tribes of Reuben and Gad tell Moses that they would prefer to stay on the west bank of the Jordan in the lands of Jazer and Gilead because their tribes are ranchers and that region was more suitable for cattle. Even though the people are moving to the promise land they prefer to stay on the other side. They beg, “Please don’t move us across the Jordan.” (Numbers 35:5)

Moses, on first reaction, is troubled. He raises two urgent questions:

• Are your brothers to go to war while you stay here? What is Moses thinking? He may question their intentions and label them as selfish or cowardly. He may feel they should be rebuked.
• Why will you turn the minds of the Israelites from crossing into the land the Lord has given them? What does Moses fear? He seemed to be concerned about optics. What will it look like for leaders to choose a different land and a different future than the one God has promised?

Whenever you are in conflict, it is helpful to start with yourself. Why are you so angry? Moses has a right to be concerned about any plan that weakens his fighting force. He also has reason to be concerned about the impact of morale when people decide they don’t want to move forward in the land. The case of the spies is infamous and their lack of faith caused they people to wander for forty years until that generations dies out.

Lashing Out: Striking the Rock

Earlier in our people’s desert narrative (in Parashat Hukkat), Moses reacted to the stress of leadership by lashing out. He was worn out by the people. He was reeling from the loss of Miriam. The people were thirsty after three days without water. In Torah and absence of water is also symbolic for an absence of spirituality. Moses spiritual and physical batteries have worn down. Never gifted in sharing emotions, Moses, is at a loss for words about the loss of his sister. Just as he failed to speak when Aaron lost his sons, so here he is silent- without capacity.

He labels all of the elders as “rebel.” Once he labels them his perceptions become self-fulfilling and fixed. He doesn’t have to engage them in council nor take responsibility for any of his failings in developing these leaders.

This time Moses is older and perhaps a bit more capable and wise.

1. He discloses his concerns. He retells the stories of the spies to Reuben and Gad and shows where his anxiety comes from.

 2. He does not label them cowards.  Whenever I go to a congregation that is in conflict I will soon see warring camps where people only tell one side of the story. They speak in terms of “us and them” and assume the worst of the other side.

Wise and Rewarding Generative Leadership

In 1966, when he was 32, George Vaillant took over Harvard’s famous Grant Study. The task: track hundreds of Harvard men, from youth to death, and determine what predicts wellbeing. It was to become one of the foremost “longitudinal studies” of 20th century social science, tracking the physical and emotional health of a cohort of young Harvard men through the rest of their lives. Nearly half a century later, Vaillant lays out his final findings, and discovers that his own maturation is inseparable from the lives he examines. (see George Vaillant - What Harvard’s GrantStudy Reveals about Happiness and Life) 

Valliant found that the central theme of successful older years were rich and rewarding relationships. Generative leaders help bring to life the possibilities in themselves and others.  In order bring energy to these relationships people need to possess certain core capabilities. The following are some core competencies that can lead to generative relationships.

1. Orient to the Future, Not the Past
2. Be Resilient: Turn Lemons into Lemonade
3. Be Willing to Let Go of Self Importance: Practice Humility
4. Show Courage in the Face of Declining Health, Loss and Death
5. Develop the Capacity to Forgive Self and Others

Let’s look at Moses's leadership from the lens of wise and rewarding leadership. Moses leverages several of Valliant’s core competencies which are seen as correlate with generative leadership.

• Orient to the Future, Not the Past- This time Moses does not play the broken record about how the people let him down. He thinks about spies and then turns off the negative memory so he can move on.
• Be Resilient: Turn Lemons into Lemonade- Naturally he could be discouraged that the tribes are not lining up. He bounces back and finds a ways to tackle the counteroffer from Reuben and Gad and make it constructive.
• Be Willing to Let Go of Self Importance: Practice Humility- Like all leaders, Moses had some expectations (a master plan to move forward with all of the tribes). He brings new energy to the mentoring of Joshua. He is committed to placing the mantle of leadership on Joshua. He does not take the negotiations with Reuben and Gad so personally. He doesn’t just label them rebels and malcontents. He is able to see that they can be of use- albeit in a new ways.
• Show Courage in the Face of Declining Health, Loss and Death- In Parashat Hukkat, Moses was drained by the loss of Miriam. He had lost heart. In Parashat Matot, Moses is carrying both the memory of the curse of the spies and his own leadership death sentence that came out of the incident where he struck the rock. He could easily have bucked and said, “Here we go again!” Or, “Why me?” Instead he rallies to achieve what is achievable.
• Develop the Capacity to Forgive Self and Others- Part of what helps leaders keep their batteries charged is the ability to forgive themselves and others. Moses has the battery power to cope with Reuben and Gad because he is not blaming himself or the others (You rebels), He is moving on.

The Outcome

Reuben and Gad provide assurance that their intention is not to shirk their responsibilities: 

• “We will hasten and be  shock troops in the van of the Israelites until we have established them in their home” (Numbers 32:17) 
• Moses then responds that if they do this “ you shall be clear before the Lord and before Israel and this land shall be your holding under the Lord” (Numbers 35:22)

In the end, Moses is reflective not reactive. He keeps his mind on the prize - the conquest of the land. He does not pretend to know the intentions of Reuben and Gad. He enters into dialogue with them. The result is that both sides get what they need.

Moses has grown from the incident where he struck the rock.  He has shown the capacity to manage his emotions so he could help other leaders generate ways to solve a problem. He has overcome the past so that he can see what is possible going forward. He has demonstrated resilience in the face of personal loss and communal fear.