Standing at the Gates of Prayer – With a Full Heart

I am standing at the gates of the High Holidays again. It’s a new year and I feel blessed to have a new High Holiday mahzor- Lev Shalem (Rabbinical  Assembly 2011).  This mahzor is fresh. As I search through it I try to bring fresh energy and intention (kavannah) to find God and serve God in this community- in this time- in my own way. “Everyone should carefully observe what way the heart pulls and choose that way with all the strength of one’s being,” writes Martin Buber (p. 130). In order to know ones heart one needs to listen.  As a Jew, I hope to  hear “ a still small voice” of divine inspiration that tugs at my heart and opens the gates of prayer.

The individual worshipper prays according to what is written in the prayer book, but at the same time a person’s thoughts and words give to each phrase a unique interpretation formed by the personal and private overtones which a singular personality lends to a fixed text. The community in which a person prays adds it own contribution. (Lev Shalem p. 141 - Adin Steinsaltz, adapted)

The prayer, the individual and the community create the potential for a synergy of the sacred. The new Lev Shalem mahzor makes a wonderful contribution to the Conservative movement as it manages the tension between past and present. It offers traditional reflections to the prayers on the right page margins. It suggests contemporary reflections on the left page margin.  The mahzor welcomes me to stand in the center where I can look back to the origins of prayers and look forward to the most pressing of contemporary concerns.

The mahzor reminds us that God is awesome and eternal and that we stand with feet of clay. While we seem small as we stand before God, we have the capacity to build something inspirational and big together - sacred community. God considers  our endeavors more favorably because of the relationship that he had with our ancestors. This is a chain of relationship  that goes from my parents to my grandparents back to the Matriarchs and Patriarchs. The Torah does not glorify these first families. We are reminded of their greatness and their flaws. They  were imperfect parents. We are imperfect parents and the children of imperfect parents. We need prayers for imperfect people.

The prayer book has a yizkor meditation for a parent that was hurtful (Lev Shalem p. 292). The mediations reads, “The parent I remember was not kind to me.” I am told its inclusion was controversial.  While my parents were loving and generous, I know people who were profoundly hurt by their parents.  I love that this prayer book speaks to people who carry such memories of pain and betrayal.  Synagogues need to be places where the most important things can be considered and even shared. The mahzor welcomes even the most broken to feel they have a place to stand with us.

We can take comfort that God made his covenant with real people like us. While the God of the HH sits in a throne chair, the God of Genesis walks beside our ancestors. He walks with people at the margin who are struggling with the messiness of life and helps them find their place within the community. I don’t want to be limited to read only the fixed text. My life is messy and many of my answers lie in the margins. This mahzor helps me feel that I have a place to stand- that there is a prayer for life with all its messiness.

Today , many talk of the demise of America, the synagogues and Conservative Judaism. Yes- there are challenges. Our ancestors often stood at the brink where the very ground was shifting under their feet. They were understandably  afraid to step forward. In every generation some agreed to stand firm and not step back. The tradition was saved. As they looked over the  ledge our ancestors  were comforted by the strong hands that were on their shoulders- a chain of tradition that winds back for centuries ( a tradition captured in this new mahzor). As they secured their footing and stiffened their resolve, a still small voice could be heard within them, “ You  were not the first to say these ancient prayers and you will  not be the last. When people come together to pray they make a house for me. I will dwell with them.”

We hope that God  will look with favor as we try to build a community of sacred relationships- a place that open the gates of prayer to the seeker and creates a place where God would be called to enter.

Blessings Without Measure

On August 31, 2012 I was deep into the month of Elul that proceeds the High Holidays. I was thinking about the year just  passed and  setting priorities for the coming year-- thinking about what matters most. My Torah study class was on Ki Tetzei and it is dense with over 50 mitzvot.  We are to thank God for giving us the mitzvot ( ahavat olam -Eternal love). In Ki Tetzei, we are blessed without measure. We are told that we are not to count all of the produce of our vineyards and fields as our possession. No -- we are to count only part as ours. A portion belongs to the poor. We are to count ourselves lucky for we are loved. We have enough. When we operate our business we are to be satisfied with a fair return – not every advantage.

You shall not have in your pouch alternative weights, larger and smaller. You must have completely honest weights and completely honest measures. (Deuteronomy 25:13-14)

The tradition argues that one of the first things we will be asked in heaven is whether we were honest in our business dealings.  We are not to cheat the system.  The special HH prayer u'ntaneh tokef  says that “as a shepherd examines his flock, making each sheep pass under the staff, so you (God) will review and number and count, judging each living being" (Mahzor Lev Shalem p.143). God will ask us what measures we used. When we come to be inscribed in the book of life we should ask, “ Did we keep two books: One for a public self and one for our secret self?”